“I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are […]
Family love is messy, it flies in your face without warning, hits unexpectedly with the weight of gravity. But it stays with you, grounds you, is the one consistency in the up and down journey of constant change.
Logan has EFD: Executive Functioning Disorder., not to be confused with another EFD disorder 🙂 Consequently, he has a hard time prioritizing not only his own information, but also the information he needs to tell me. With Logan, all knowledge carries the same weight and priority tag, whether it’s, “The dog snuggled with me last night.” Or “Your hair is on fire.”
On those ridiculously dark night, when the weight of love is as dense and heavy as an untouched fruit cake; I’ve wondered if all the talking, listening, reasoning and reassuring makes even a chink in the armor of autism, let alone a dent in the shield. But, my ace up my sleeve is knowing I can perseverate too. In fact, love compels me to repeat something intently or redundantly, usually to an exceptional degree or beyond a desired point. I choose to believe that the weight of love will be decisive. That the gravity of devotion is cumulative, that it all matters.
All the times I wiped noses, wiped butts, buckled boys in car seats, and stopped on the side of the road every other mile to REBUCKLE them in car seats, matter. All the hours nursing children with the stomach flu, the cracked nipples, ER visits and bouts of biting. All the landforms formed, PE clothes washed, forgotten lunches delivered. All the binkies found, Halloween costumes created, knees bandaged, and apples peeled. All the books read, boundaries set, chores enforced, and meadows checked. The sleepless nights stumbled through, the lullabies sung, the waiting in long lines for the ferris wheel. The parent teacher conferences, the scolding absorbed, the laundry washed, pancakes flipped, tempers held and crusts removed, it all counts.
“Courage is not born from effortless immaculate conception. Courage is conceived in terrifying moments of raw bravery. Courage keeps pace with fear. It is barely one step ahead, and sometimes the race seems so close you wonder who will cross the finish line first.”
So, It’s my first pandemic, and I have nothing to wear! Don’t be fooled like I was. You know how it is, all your life […]
Jumping is a verb, and goals achieved and destinations reached often take determined action and should be celebrated.
“You gotta try your luck at least once a day, because you could be going around lucky all day and not even know it.” – […]
He suddenly interrupted my rapid fire questioning by impatiently pressing a spot on my thigh like an elevator button, crying out, “DEACTIVATE mother-mode! I repeat, DEACTIVATE MOTHER MODE! All systems shut-down!! This is not a drill!! Mayday! Mayday!”